This has been a good month. We are in a groove, making friends, meeting others in ministry and being a part of the neighborhood. The transition has been smooth, yet, I feel like who I am has somehow gotten lost in this transition phase. I have been so busy doing and not being. So busy homeschooling Katie, setting up home, preparing lessons for three different English classes, learning Spanish, reading Spanish discipleship books and just learning my way around town that I have forgotten about me. Going through the motions of transition and feeling like “who I am” has disappeared along the way.
I have realized that we need to be more intentional about who we are and what makes us feel alive with purpose. We will have to prioritize, give up things we thought we needed but are really just clutter and distractions. Change is hard, habits difficult to break and stepping out of our comfort zone can be scary. Sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation, but, if we change what is holding us back or stalling our journey and exchange the clutter for what we really need we will find Him waiting, showing us who we were meant to be.
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.-Maya Angelou
It is difficult, sometimes impossible, to be still and listen to God and to really discover what fills you with purpose and peace. The word Selah means to “pause and reflect” During the chaos of our lives, when things don’t make sense, when we can’t find our purpose, when we no longer know who we are or have no idea what tomorrow may look like, when we are drowning in life, we need Selah.
This can look like so many things; reading to our children, sitting on the front porch watching the sunset, going for a walk with our husband, simply letting go and enjoying the moment we are in. This is something I know is difficult, especially for mothers with so many responsibilities and people to take care of. We tend to feel responsible for everything and everyone don’t we?
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.
Be aware of what the Holy Spirit is saying and feeling. Don’t dismiss the whispers because there are too many things to do. Take your time and make the changes you need to be who you are meant to be.
When peace eludes us we replace it with doubt. We doubt ourselves, our relationships, our God.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trust in thee. Isaiah 26:3